In the difficult journey that is parenting, one of the most effective means through which one can nurture a healthy self-esteem in their children, is to steer away from comparison with others.
Having been a child myself, and now in the field I am in, this is not just anecdotal wisdom I share.
A meta-analysis that was published in the “ Journal of Child and Family Studies” has shown that children are more likely to develop feelings of inadequacy and overall self perception if subejcted to constant or even frequent comparisons to others (even other family members).
Moreover, constant comparisons set potential unrealistic expectations for children that if unmet, can induce anxiety, depression, and most importantly lead to a distorted sense of self; where they only feel valued if they meet the “criteria” set by others.
Rather than honing on these comparisons, parents can rather make an emphasis on their own childrens accomplishments, as well as strengths, even if outside the scope of the parents’ desires.
In fact, research that was conducted by Legget and Dweck has displayed the importance of praise from parents. By being able to recognize their goals, efforts and achievements, parents are then much more able and likely, to build a self perception that is
shrouded in the idea of personal growth.
Lastly, creating a safe space for children to express
their emotions, as well as feelings is extremely crucial. Research by Morris Et Al (2020) has shown by creating a space that allows one’s children to communicate their thoughts and ideas without potential consequence, allows them to navigate societal pressures and lets children build emotional resillience.
Overall, constant comparisons can have detrimental effets on a child’s psyche, and parents can contribute to building a foundation of confidence and self love, that will benefit their children in the long run by reducing the amount of external comparisons as well as creating a safe/open space for honest communication.
Blog Co-Authored By:
Shardil Ahmad, Medical Student, St. George’s Medical School 2025
References:
Johnson, J. L., et al. (2019). The Effects of Parental Comparisons on Children's Feelings
of Worth. Journal of Child and Family Studies.
Dweck, C. S., & Leggett, E. L. (1988). A Social-Cognitive Approach to Motivation and
Personality. Psychological Review.
Morris, A. S., et al. (2020). Family Communication Patterns and the Development of
Self-Esteem in Adolescents. Journal of Youth and Adolescence.
