The Twin Comparison Dilemma: Nurturing Dilemma without Interference

Being a parent to twins comes with a unique set of challenges, one of them being the twin comparison dilemma. It is only natural for twins to feel compares to each other, potentially impacting their self-esteem and individuality. However, there are ways parents can support their twins without interfering in the special bond twins share.

1. Embrace their differences

Every child is bor with their own set of talents, abilities and interests. While twins may share the same genes and physical appearance, it is crucial for parents to celebrate and nurture their individuality. Encourage your twins to pursue different hobbies and interests that align with their individual personalities and talents, assisting in their growth as independent individuals. 

2. Encourage open communication:

Creating an environment of open communication within your family is vital for twins. Encourage your twins to express their feelings and concerns about being compared to each other. By acknowledging their emotions and actively listening, you demonstrate that their feelings are valid and valued. Help them understand that comparisons are not a true measure of success or worth, but rather a way to appreciate their differences. Emphasize that their bond as twins is special and irreplaceable, regardless of any comparisons that may arise. 

3. Fostering health competition:

Siblings, especially twins, naturally engage in friendly competition. Instead of discouraging it, provide opportunities for healthy competition that promotes growth and self-improvement. Encourage them to set personal goals and compete against themselves rather than against each other. This way, they focus on their individual progress and achievements. Choose activities where their differences shine, allowing each twin to excel in their own unique way. This approach ensures that both twins feel supported and appreciated for their individual efforts. 

Parenting twins involves a delicate balance of acknowledging and supporting their individuality while maintaining the precious bond they share. By embracing their differences, encouraging open communication and fostering health competition, parents can help their twins navigate the comparison dilemme without interfering in this exceptional relationship. Remember, it is the love and acceptance for each twin as an individual that will ultimately triumph over any feelings of comparison.

Author

Dr. Muhammad Zeshan My name is Muhammad Zeshan, MD, and I am a Harvard trained infant, child, adolescent, and adult psychiatrist at Inside Out, a private practice based in Princeton, New Jersey. I am currently working as an Assistant Professor of Psychiatry at Rutgers New Jersey Medical School-Newark, New Jersey. Through Inside Out CURE, my focus is to help individuals become more Compassionate, Understanding, and aware of their inner strength and vulnerabilities, while developing Resilience and Empathy. I offer a variety of mental health care services to all age groups (infancy through adulthood) by applying principals of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), mindfulness, positive psychology, family therapy, parent-child intervention therapy, pharmacology, and neuroscience.